The Thoughts of Gunnar

Fighting With Vs. Fighting For
August 11, 2008, 6:01 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am learning right now, getting more and more real with folks as our lives intertwine, the difference between fighting with somebody, and fighting for them.

Simply put, I have most always found that when I am overly concerned with being proved right, I have lost the motive of purely fighting for someone, and have slipped into fighting with them.

Is what I have to share with a person truly, purely for their betterment alone…and not to feed my ego, desire to be right, or ‘appearance’ of wisdom?

Am I postured in my heart to be their advocate, or for me to appear to come out as superior in some way to them?

Is it really for them, or to please some other self-centered aspect of me?

For instance, if I have ever blown this multiple times with anyone, it has been my epic wife, Danielle.

I can’t count the times I have said nitpicking things to her, (I am sure, over non-sin issues,) instead of speaking faith, confidence, and inspiration into her. It may not even be an area of her weakness, but just some thing that tweaks me, and instead of fighting for her in it, I’ll just say something stupid that makes it tempting for her to feel she has fallen short. And what a lazy thing for me to do! Anyone can be critical and start a fight. It takes effort to fight for someone.

As well, I have a strong inclination in my life to be an influencer. I tend to think it is part of the fabrication God built into me, but still, I can easily choose to be overbearing with it. It has been easier for me to find out when I have crossed that line when I find myself, (even if done in a ‘civil’ manner) fighting with someone over my desire to influence them, as opposed to fighting for them.

Love is an art. An art I want to practice more and more!

Now, to be fair, I have had a few times, where, to the best of my ability, I have fought for someone, and due to their own pain, hurts, insecurity, etc, they decided to attempt to fight with me over it. But I have found that things usually go SO much more successfully when I have taken the time and effort to love well, and to aim to fight for someone.


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